This month, my Gran passed away.
Having lived most of her adult life in Redditch, Joan Margaret Horton (who I have introduced previously) died at age 96 in a care home in Dawlish, Devon.
I was fortunate to spend some time with Joan just before she died.
In the end, it was a good life and it was a good death.
She passed away surrounded by family, and although her passing was sad, Gran has left us with a lifetime of happy memories; Victoria sponge, summers in Dawlish and being spoilt when little.
I grieve the changes her passing means, I can’t call in, message, or give her a hug ever again.
But as I reflect, much of the sadness is simply the acceptance that a chapter of time is over.
I’m very comfortable with the concept of death, I don’t mind talking about it, which might be because of my background in financial planning, where many discussions touch on the end of life: how to prepare for it, and the legacy we’ll leave behind.
After Gran’s passing, I found myself thinking: what is a good death, and what does it mean to die well?
It’s a question we all face eventually, whether through the loss of someone we love, or the awareness of our own mortality.
This last month, I’ve been curious about what dying well means to different families, from Tokyo to Tuscany.
This is what I have learned.
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In much of the Western world, particularly the UK, US, and Northern Europe, dying well often means dying on your own terms.
Autonomy is paramount: choosing your treatment, minimising pain, and remaining lucid enough to say goodbye.
Hospice and palliative care aim to support this, focusing on comfort and dignity.
The rise of assisted dying in some countries reflects this shift even further: that control over death is an extension of a living life fully, on your own terms.
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In Southern Europe, Latin America, and many Indigenous communities, a good death is more communal.
It’s about being surrounded by family, sharing grief together, and speaking important words aloud—blessings, apologies, stories, songs.
Death isn’t a solitary event, but a shared milestone, and the rituals around it matter, as seen in Catholic last rites, a home wake, or sitting vigil, the aim is the same: no one should die alone.
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In Hinduism, Buddhism, and many African spiritual traditions, a good death is about spiritual transition.
The body may be declining, but the mind aims to stay still and clear. Letting go of attachments, releasing fear and honouring rituals are key.
Here, death isn't an end, but a doorway, and the aim is step through mindfully, with your soul at peace.
In cultures influenced by Confucian and Samurai values—like Japan, Korea, and parts of China—a good death often means fulfilling your duties.
Its about honour, responsibility, and leaving your affairs in order, protecting your loved ones from the burden of your decline.
Death can be a quieter form of heroism—defined less by emotion, more by stoicism and composure.
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Increasingly, modern hospice and psychological models emphasise emotional and existential preparation.
A good death, in this sense, involves making peace with your past, your people, and yourself.
Death is not about how long you live, or even how comfortably you go, it’s about whether your final days can carry meaning, reflection, and perhaps even growth.
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After considering all these aspects of death and what it means to die well, I’ve realised there is no single definition of a good death, but I felt there is one thing in common: a good death encourages us to reflect on life.
For some, having a quality of life means no tubes or machines; for others, it means fighting to the very end.
For many, it’s simply this: to hear the voice of someone they love—one last time.
While there may be no single definition of a good death, the conversations around it—the stories, the beliefs, the rituals—remind us of something we often forget.
So as I reflect on my Gran, the life she lived and the memories she left behind, I realise that death is not just about dying.
It’s about how we live until the very end.
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